Learning from the Negotiation Masters

I've always believed that children are natural masters at negotiation and manipulation.  The statement "She had Daddy wrapped around her little finger" packs more truth than we realize.  How many times has the little one asked for another toy or book that you did not plan on buying, but after disarming you with her cuteness and other tactics, you end up capitulating anyway?

I wonder if it's a skill that is genetically hardwired into each one of us, that is then subsequently lost as one grows up due to social unacceptability of some of these behaviours.  You know, Nature vs. Nurture.

A book I read echoed this idea.  The title first caught my fancy -- How to Negotiate LIke a Child: Unleash the Little Monster Within.  It's a tongue-in-cheek take on some negotiating techniques that at first glance one would not associate with adults, but are surprisingly effective when wielded by kids.  Upon closer reflection however, it appears that we may actually be using variations of these at one time or another!

Some of the things I found striking:

• Throw a tantrum and cry.  We've all seen the toddler who screamed his head off at the toy shop when told that Daddy and Mommy would not buy him another Thomas the Tank Engine train, or the little girl who lay sprawled on the living room floor bawling because she was not allowed to watch another Sesame Street video?  After the accusatory looks in the shop and the neighbour's complaints, who do you think won?  The power of a well-placed tantrum in the workplace could swing things one's way, but it has to be planned for and timed very, very well.  One can also exploit the very human tendency to side with the underdog.  Sometimes, he who screams loudest, gets heard -- but if overused, one becomes just another troublemaker or crybaby.
• Pretend you don't hear or understand what the other is saying.  Grown-ups are primed to respond to verbal or even electronic cues, and oftentimes one is put on the spot trying to come up with a coherent answer to something one is not knowledgeable of nor ready for.  Children have no such compunction; they do not respond if they do not feel like it -- a delaying tactic that gives one the time to regroup and gather one's thoughts.
• Play your best game and change the rules.  How to tackle a situation where one is at a disadavantage?  Countless kids do this instinctively -- they just change the rules of the game to something they have greater chances of winning!  Quite logical, if you think about it.  As long as it is within the bounds of ethics and propriety, why not try to move the negotiating lines towards your benefit?
• Ask the person who is most likely to say "Yes".  A little boy wants to have his fourth chocolate cookie after dinner.  He knows that Mom will not allow him another sugar-filled treat.  But there is another person in the house who has the power to grant him his wish, one who the little boy knows will be more inclined to acquiesce.  "Dad, may I please have another cookie?"  In the end, the little boy grabs the cookie triumphantly, simply because he asked the right person with the right level of authority. 
• Play one side against the other.  "No, you are not allowed to watch another cartoon video." "But Mom said I could." "Really? Ok, then."  Knowing when to play one side against the other is a talent that is most useful, if one can find the appropriate champion.  If done properly, the desired outcome can be achieved with minimum effort. 
• Keep coming back to the same question.  In negotiations or management discussions, does a "No" the first time automatically translate to another "No" an hour, a day, a week hence?  Not necessarily!  Children are quite persistent in asking for what they want.  They can wear parents down with their relentless questions, hour after hour after hour.  In the end, the prize becomes theirs for the taking.
• Don't fear failure.  As one matures, the fear of failure seems to grow proportionally as well.  But kids don't care if they fail this time; they just try again.  And again.  And again.  No guts, no glory, right?

I quite enjoyed reading the book, which was a refreshing change from the more serious management books out there.

Maybe I can also learn to unleash the little monster within.